The singer Liza Minnelli married concert promoter David Guest on March 16, 2002. They separated a little over a year later, and things turned acrimonious pretty quickly. But it was by all accounts quite a wedding. Elizabeth Taylor was the matron of honour and Michael Jackson was the best man. My father’s friend was one of the many attendees and was kind enough to bring me back some souvenirs: a heart-shaped box of chocolates and an American flag pin wrapped in an AIDS ribbon, with their names and wedding date embossed in gold.
Readers seeking to understand how the world really works would do well to consult the website Vigilant Citizen. Recent posts include How “Spectre” is Really About James Bond Being a Tool of the Occult Elite and The Occult Symbolism of the Los Angeles Central Library. Vigilant Citizen has recently deconstructed the Taylor Swift video Look What You Made Me Do (“a blatantly obvious Monarch [mind programming] manifesto”) .
“The symbolism of the video,” the website explains, “Directly refers to the sinister side of the entertainment industry and its obsession with mind control… Newsflash: The entertainment industry is full of Beta Kittens (brainwashed sex slaves trafficked in the elite underworld). Newsflash: The elite brags about this in mass media using the likes of Taylor Swift.”
Millions of pages of Hypertext Markup Language have been created to explore the theory that Taylor Swift is a clone of Zeena Lavey, the daughter of Anton Lavey, founder of the Church of Satan. Not many children of the 1980s managed to evade the trauma of seeing Anton’s face glowering up at them from the cover of The Satanic Bible on the New Age rack in W. H. Smith. Throughout this Satanism-obsessed decade, Zeena appeared as her father’s proxy on The Phil Donahue Show, Nightline, Entertainment Tonight, and Sally Jesse Raphael. This string of television appearances culminated with her participation in a one-off Geraldo Rivera special, Devil Worship: Exposing Satan’s Underground. I miss the eighties.
A comment made by a reader named ‘Hopeclouds” beneath the Vigilant Citizen Post outlining “The Sinister Meaning of Taylor Swift’s Look What You Made Me Do” goes one better.
“Here’s an even better TS theory, ya ready? She isn’t a clone of Zeena Lavey, but her daughter. Zeena broke away from the church of Satan for a period in late 1989 (when TS would have been born and sold into slavery to idiot handlers who would make sure to profit off their kid). That’s why they lookalike. Want one even deeper? Ever wonder about the connection of Mariska Hargitay and TS, and why her cat is named Olivia Benson and Mariska was in Bad Blood? Mariska and Zeena are the same age and Mariska’s mom was Jayne Mansfield, rumored to have a relationship with Anton Lavey. Mariska’s real father is Anton. Zeena and Mariska are sisters!!! Since it would ruin TS career to be connected to a Satanist, she reaches out to Mariska, her aunt. Bizarre, but makes sense!!!”
Disgraced cheating website Ashley Madison surveyed its members and discovered the most popular places for adulterous dates are chain restaurants at least twenty miles from home.
9. Red Lobster
8. Outback Steakhouse
6. Del Frisco’s
5. The Cheesecake Factory
4. P.F. Chang’s
2. Ruth’s Chris Steak House
1. Morton’s The Steakhouse
In 2004, the screenwriter and director Paul Haggis visited the set of War of the Worlds. At the time, Haggis and Tom Cruise were Scientology’s two most famous disciples. Haggis told the author Lawrence Wright that a tent where Scientology materials were distributed was erected on the set, and recounted a conversation he’d had with War‘s director, Steven Spielberg.
About an hour into War of the Worlds, an extra bearing a resemblance to Haggis is briefly on camera. Is it him? Twenty rewinds and three screenshots have borne no conclusive proof.