Readers seeking to understand how the world really works would do well to consult the website Vigilant Citizen. Recent posts include How “Spectre” is Really About James Bond Being a Tool of the Occult Elite and The Occult Symbolism of the Los Angeles Central Library. Vigilant Citizen has recently deconstructed the Taylor Swift video Look What You Made Me Do (“a blatantly obvious Monarch [mind programming] manifesto”) .
“The symbolism of the video,” the website explains, “Directly refers to the sinister side of the entertainment industry and its obsession with mind control… Newsflash: The entertainment industry is full of Beta Kittens (brainwashed sex slaves trafficked in the elite underworld). Newsflash: The elite brags about this in mass media using the likes of Taylor Swift.”
Millions of pages of Hypertext Markup Language have been created to explore the theory that Taylor Swift is a clone of Zeena Lavey, the daughter of Anton Lavey, founder of the Church of Satan. Not many children of the 1980s managed to evade the trauma of seeing Anton’s face glowering up at them from the cover of The Satanic Bible on the New Age rack in W. H. Smith. Throughout this Satanism-obsessed decade, Zeena appeared as her father’s proxy on The Phil Donahue Show, Nightline, Entertainment Tonight, and Sally Jesse Raphael. This string of television appearances culminated with her participation in a one-off Geraldo Rivera special, Devil Worship: Exposing Satan’s Underground. I miss the eighties.
A comment made by a reader named ‘Hopeclouds” beneath the Vigilant Citizen Post outlining “The Sinister Meaning of Taylor Swift’s Look What You Made Me Do” goes one better.
Disgraced cheating website Ashley Madison surveyed its members and discovered the most popular places for adulterous dates are chain restaurants at least twenty miles from home.
9. Red Lobster
8. Outback Steakhouse
6. Del Frisco’s
5. The Cheesecake Factory
4. P.F. Chang’s
2. Ruth’s Chris Steak House
1. Morton’s The Steakhouse
In 2004, the screenwriter and director Paul Haggis visited the set of War of the Worlds. At the time, Haggis and Tom Cruise were Scientology’s two most famous disciples. Haggis told the author Lawrence Wright that a tent where Scientology materials were distributed was erected on the set, and recounted a conversation he’d had with War‘s director, Steven Spielberg.
“It’s really remarkable to me that I’ve met all these Scientologists, and they seem like the nicest people,” Spielberg told Haggis, who quipped, “Yeah, we keep all the evil ones in a closet.”
About an hour into War of the Worlds, an extra bearing a resemblance to Haggis is briefly on camera. Is it him? Twenty rewinds and three screenshots have borne no conclusive proof.
“A superb hostess who’s been giving great parties for years plays a role she knows by heart. But a nervous or inexperienced one can benefit by some rehearsing. I don’t mean rehearsing the salad dressing but rehearsing herself. I know a charming woman who was always tongue-tied at her own parties although she was perfectly at ease in other people’s houses. So a hundred times she practiced walking around her living room chatting with imaginary guests. Finding the right thing to say to each one. Introducing strangers with just the right phrase to interest them in one another. She practiced moving gracefully, going to the door to greet newcomers, offering canapés. And now she thoroughly enjoys going to her own parties…
Rehearse your dress, too. Whether you’re having only six for dinner or fifty for cocktails, wear a lovely gown.”
Joan Crawford, My Way of Life, Simon and Schuster, 1971.
Nikanor “Nick” Chevotarevich, The Deer Hunter
Babies can pay tribute to Christopher Walken’s Oscar-winning performance in Michael Cimino’s searing 1978 Vietnam War drama with a simple white onesie and a rust-coloured bandanna.
Oliver Twist from Oliver!
Mummy arrived home with a smart new outfit for baby. She showed it to Daddy, who said, “Please sir, may I have some more?” in Dick Van Dyke’s Chitty Chitty Bang Bang accent. Then Daddy sang Consider Yourself in a mocking voice.
“I bought this outfit because I thought it was adorable!” cried Mummy, “Why do you have to spoil everything?”
Mummy and Daddy had the most enormous row. Daddy said “You concealed from me that you liked to read glitzy magazines in the toilet until you had me in the keep net,” and Mummy cried.
Extra from the Sex and the City episode “Anchors Away”
It’s Fleet Week, and New York City is filled with sailors and marines. “Come and get me sailors!” yelled the sassy publicist Samantha Jones. Re-capture the joie de vivre of this lighthearted episode with a sailor suit. This costume also doubles as Quartermaster Hichens from Titanic or a ring-bearer from the 1986 wedding of the Duke and Duchess of York .
Thomas Magnum, Magnum PI
Long before the drought-ridden state of California caught Tom Selleck making twelve separate runs in a water van to borrow supplies for his avocado farm, he caught criminals as the Ferrari-driving, kayaking private detective Thomas Magnum. Re-create the magic of this seminal 1980s television detective series with a Hawaiian print onesie and a Detroit tigers ball cap.
Photograph by Kate Kelton