Bruce Willis Sings in a Seagrams Commercial

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In the 1980s, it became a fad for movie stars to buy towns. Kim Basinger brought Braselton, Georgia, and Bruce Willis purchased the town of Hailey, in Idaho. In 1986, the actor signed on as a Seagram’s pitchman. After all, Hailey wasn’t going to pay for itself!

‘Hey there fellas! Look here!’
Seagrams/Golden wine coolers
Seagrams/Golden wine coolers
It’s wet and it’s dry/ Golden wine coolers
My, my, my, my/Golden wine coolers
Me and the boys/Love, love, love it all the time




Brexit Referendum Poem

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Powerless Hoovers, limp toast
Millions of Brits on the Spanish coast
Nigel’s anti-EU bus
Europe won’t stop trading with us
Cheap roaming on your phone
We’re not in the Schengen Zone
Think of all the money we’ll save!
Don’t listen to Boris,
Don’t listen to Dave


Amy Pascal Did Not Enjoy the Movie ‘Aloha’

Screenshot (1107)After a 2014 hack of Sony Pictures Entertainment’s database, the former  Chairperson of the Motion Pictures Group Amy Pascal became known for her poetic (“It never/Not even once/ever works”) style of email communication. Following unsuccessful test screenings of the film Aloha, she expressed her disappointment and frustration at producer Scott Rudin, who didn’t once go to set, or help in the editing room, or fix the script. 

“Scores same as last time and
Way way worse in ny
It’s a wrap
There is no more to do
Cameron really never changed anything
People don’t like people in movies who flirt with married people or
married people who flirt
The satellite makes no sense
The gate makes no sense
I’m never starting a movie again where the script is ridiculous
And we al know it
I don’t care how much I love the director and actors
It never
Not even once
ever works

As much as I want movies
This is way worse
At least the marketing departments at both studios have something to sell
like looks big and glossy
We have this movie in for a lot of dough and we better look at that
Scott didn’t once go to the set
Or help us in the editing room
Or fix the script.”

Our Mum, by Ron Kray

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The Kray twins were Britain’s most notorious gangsters and mama’s boys. “They loved their mum Violet,” said the man in the second-hand furniture shop where I picked up a copy of their memoir, which was dedicated to their mother and opened with a poem by Ronnie:  

Mum you are like a rose.
When God picked you, you were the best mum
he could have chose.
You kept us warm when it was cold
With your arms around us you did fold.
For us you sold your rings of gold.
When you died, I like a baby cried.
When I think of you it is with pride,
So go to sleep mum I know that you are tired.

Our Story, Reg and Ron Kray, with Fred Dinenage, Pan Books, 1988


Screenshot (955)Collaboration between A.P.C. and Kanye West. Very loose T-shirt in Egyptian cotton. Short sleeves. Ribbing at neckline. Reinforced neckline and shoulders. ‘A.P.C. KANYE’ silkscreened inside neckline. Washed Egyptian cotton jersey. 100% cotton.

$120.00 Item is sold out.”

Colonel Steve Rotkoff’s Haikus

Firdos Square statue topple

Colonel Steve Rotkoff was the Deputy Combined Forces Land Component Commander for Operation Iraqi Freedom. He kept a war journal during his time in Kuwait and Iraq, frequently summarizing events in three-line haikus which were published in Bob Woodward’s Bush at War, Part III, State of Denial.

Anthrax + smallpox
Gas masks, J-Lists at all times
Scary being here

Rumsfeld is a dick
Won’t flow the forces we need
We will be too light

Yikes–SCUD exercise
Mask four hours avoiding work
Sweat pours down my face

This is not a drill…
Mask + chem suit on quickly
Try not to panic

Gordon N.Y.Times
Demonstrates Media Ethics
It’s all about him

Saddam Fedhayeen
Where the hell did they come from?
Everyone missed it

Mental bone tired
Hard to stay not wanted
Can’t rest–men will die

Where is WMD?
What a kick if he has none
Sorry about that

We knew how to fight
Not so, building a NATION
We may lose the PEACE

From Bush At War, Part III State of Denial, Bob Woodward, Simon & Schuster, 2006

O Gentle Sleep

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When skittish and uneasy lies the head
On a proudly British, 4200 spring
Bespoke, four-poster bed.

His Royal Highness activates nature’s soft nurse;
The African Savanna app cantillates a soothing verse
An escape from the strain of regal birth
To the land where coltan is drawn from the earth.

Do African princes fall asleep
To the app of an English farm,
Bleating goats and sheep?

Rob Ford Has Built a Subway


Rob Ford has built a subway

From Scarborough to Timbuktu

He has saved a billion dollars

He has done what he said he would do.

He’s the first to admit he’s not perfect

And henceforth, he’ll try to abstain

He has offered his fervent assurance

That he hopes it won’t happen again.

Dance Moms Poem


Behold! The dreadful fury of Abby Lee– her pitiless eyes!

Like a nuclear test off the coast of Waikiki; watch the mushroom cloud rise

The Dance Moms watch her yell; they plot their coup

They vow to escape their Sartrean hell

But never do.