Herb Ritts’ Black and White Photograph of Madonna Re-appropriated on a Nightclub Wall, in Split, Croatia

Photograph by Nicolas Kazamia

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The Permanent Stains 30th Anniversary Tour


The Permanent Stains were formed thirty years ago in Ottawa. At various times the members have consisted of Adam Clarke (“Ferdinand Fleming”), brothers Nick (“Bruford T. Justice”) and Malcolm Fraser (“Malstain”), Mark Haney (“The Mighty Moose of Ages”), Adam Traynor (“Rolled Oats”), Brian Leonard, Erik “the Savior” Otto, Peaches, Fraser Robinson (“Tex Styles”), and a mascot known as Yogurt Boy, who danced with salad tongs wearing an insectoid crash helmet and a bathrobe. I spoke to four members of the Stains, Malcolm Fraser, Mark Haney, Fraser Robinson, and Adam Traynor ahead of their 30th anniversary tour.

What’s your most memorable gig?
MH: For me it’s the baby pool show at Glebe High School. I had a baby pool full of soapy water to frolic in, got a blender full of fish and lime juice dumped on me, Mal demonstrated the “Yo Joe!” sodomy position on me in the pool and (most importantly) we crossed over from being theoretically dangerous to literally so.

MF: There are lots but one of my favourites is when we had a Montreal gig cancelled. We decided then and there that we would play a show that night no matter what. We went around to a couple of bars and in the second one, Nick knew a member of the band so we hustled our way onto the bill. We passed the hat and made $28, which I was pretty impressed with until I found out that our friend had put in $20. Nonetheless, I’m glad we had the moxie to make that happen.

FR: I still have the fondest memories for a show we played in this garage across from a strip club in Sherbrooke, Quebec in 2000. Full of drunk, underage francophone kids who got really into the set, we played with a primal energy that I haven’t quite channeled since. Bruford won a bunch of money on the fruit machine at the strip club beforehand and later the cops broke up the gig. Couldn’t ask for a better night.

AT: At a Gong Show-themed event in Toronto, I got in to a shoving match with a burly meathead who was heckling our opener, Mike Foxxx. Having antagonised the audience, the vibe was already charged when we took the stage, and became literally so while we played: some grounding problem with (or sabotage of!?) the electrical current caused my fingers to conduct electricity via my guitar stings, and I received a jarring shock of electrocution with every note I played.

Tell me about some venues you have played at?
MF: Skinhead basement party, karaoke boozecan in a church basement, teenage drinking party in a strip club basement… hmm, I sense a theme here…

FR: One of my favourites was this Karaoke Bar that wasn’t even a Karaoke Bar. Ottawa’s best Karaoke host, Carmen (RIP), relocated at one point to a boozecan that some old Chinese guys set up in a community centre gym. We managed to sort out a gig there opening for him and it was amazing, we opened for Karaoke – and brought a decent crowd too. The regulars didn’t really know what to make of the whole thing.

AT: Carman’s karaoke speakeasy in the back room of Christ The Saviour Orthodox Church in Ottawa’s Chinatown. An all-ages punk basement speakeasy in Sherbrooke (while the cops circled outside). Club Zone, a cheesy bar next to Concordia University in Montreal where we successfully crashed the bill on the day our scheduled gig fell through. Planet Kensington in Toronto (several times). Saw Gallery, Café Alternatif and Porter Hall in Ottawa throughout the 90s, Tex Mex’s parents’ basement in Ottawa, and Dave Dawson’s parents’ basement in Ottawa.

Please list some of your favourite stage costumes.
MH:
My first Stains costume will forever be my favourite. Fuzzy white fur hat, coconut bra, hollowed out cucumber. Everything since then has been a disappointment.

MF: Nick covering his face in Band-Aids, Mark wearing a hollowed-out cucumber taped to his penis, Yogurt Boy’s iconic helmet… there was also a time when Nick and I dressed as riot grrls – we had torn shirts, miniskirts and the words “SLUT” and “WHORE” written on our midriffs in black marker. Somehow I don’t feel like that would go over well today, but I guess you had to be there…

FR: My Spiderman with moustache and mohawk remains my best look. Not just on stage, but in life.

AT: Australian flag diaper. Artificial flesh mask made of Band-Aids. Superman doll codpiece. Hollow cucumber codpiece with edible tip. Singing telegram tux & tails. Royal Canadian Airborne t-shirt with hazing slogans scrawled in faeces

Did you ever have any groupies?
MH:
You mean other than Fraser?

FR: Not sure about groupies but I think Bruford started a relationship with a long term girlfriend right after he and The Mighty Moose of Ages made out in the peanut butter and chocolate sauce filled kiddie-pool at the ’93 Glebe Fringe Festival show in Ottawa. That kind of thing really says “good boyfriend material.”  

AT: 97.

What’s on your rider?
MH:
In a perfect world, a large deli spread with a selection of alcohol; this may sound stupidly modest but since the reality is going to be “you can change in the washroom” it seems like a dream.

AT: White sports socks (x6 pair). Locally-sourced artisanal maraschinos. Goofballs.

In the Another Video video, what were you pouring on each other and rolling in? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceUoed9z4DI
MH:
Part of that is the soapy water, fish and lime described above. There is a also a snippet of Nick and I wrestling and covering each other in peanut butter and chocolate sauce.

MF: I can’t remember all the ingredients, but it definitely contained frozen fish sticks.

AT: I believe that’s Captain Highliner frozen breaded fish sticks, puréed.

What is your personal favourite song? Lyric?
MH: Super Christ Brothers, “You can all fucking suck me” from the same.

MF: I really like a lyric that Nick sang on the recorded version of “Super Christ Brothers.” He was just ranting incoherently for the most part, but the only decipherable lyrics are “That’s all right, do what you want. Why is that what you want?” I’m quite sure it was just off the top of his head, but I still think it’s pretty deep.

FR:  Song: “Why.” Lyric: Why

AT: Song: “Cold Frankfurter.” Lyric: “That’s alright/do what you want/why is that what you want?” (from “Super Christ Brothers”).

Will there be nudity at any of your upcoming shows?
MH: Not sure. Gratuitous nudity was always my department, and while I’m not planning anything at this time I’m certainly not opposed to it. At all.

FR: We’re not quite the lithe young studs we once were but it shouldn’t be ruled out.

AT: Only the truth will be naked.

Most memorable Permanent Stains concert attendees or events at concerts (ie. bar brawls).
MH: I think Mal losing his shit and beating on Nick and I in Ottawa during our 14th Anniversary Tour is my most memorable. Nick was getting it for trying to shave Mal’s head, I was getting it because Mal just assumed I was involved.

FR: On the bar brawl front: Malstain and Bruford once got into a full-on tussle on-stage after Bruford tried to shave Malstain’s head as a surprise during a song. The razor gouged into Mal’s head and cut him open, he responded with a wild haymaker in Bruford’s direction and a donnybrook ensued. Fortunately Yogurt Boy (actually a stand-in for an AWOL Yogurt in the form of Christian Moreton, our tour manager) jumped into the fray and diffused it with a sort of blanket hug that cleared the red mist.

AT: Members of Mighty Moose’s church group, in attendance at the Liam’s basement show in Ottawa, where they witnessed Mal biting the tip off Mighty Moose’s hollow cucumber codpiece.

Are you familiar with the Real Housewives franchise on Bravo? Who do the Stains most resemble? 

FR: I am familiar with this franchise. We’re the musical equivalent of Lisa Rinna’s lips.

So there you have it. Fulsome, mesmerizing, notorious, and cherished by Harry Hamlin, The Permanent Stains’ 30th anniversary tour will visit:

Wednesday August 9 – OttawaPressed 8pm 
Thursday August 10 – MontrealLa Vitrola  9pm
Friday August 11 – North BayWhite Water Gallery 8:30 pm
Saturday August 12 – TorontoBurdock 8:30 pm
Sunday August 13 – PeterboroughThe Spill 

The Stains’ 2004 autobiography: https://permanentstains.bandcamp.com/merch/lets-get-greasy
“Super Christ Bros”: https://permanentstains.bandcamp.com/track/super-christ-brothers-2
“Why”: https://permanentstains.bandcamp.com/track/why-2

The Reason Keith Haring Chose a Baby Logo

“When I was 21 I spent a summer teaching ‘Art’ at a day-care center in Brooklyn. It was the most fulfilling summer of my life. There is nothing that makes me happier than making a child smile. The reason that the ‘baby’ has become my logo or signature is that it is the purest and most positive experience of human existence.

Children are the bearers of life in its simplest and most joyous form. Children are color-blind and still free of all the complications, greed, and hatred that will slowly be instilled in them through life.

I will never forget some of the adults who touched me through my childhood. Sometimes very brief encounters have made an impact that is very lasting and very real. If it is possible for me to have that kind of effect on any children, I think that would be the most important and useful thing I could do.

Touching people’s lives in a positive way is as close as I can get to an idea of religion…

…Children know something that most people have forgotten. Children possess a fascination with their everyday existence that is very special and would be very helpful to adults if they could learn to understand and respect it.

I am now 28 years old on the outside and nearly 12 years old on the inside. I always want to stay 12 years old on the inside.” Keith Haring, July 7, 1986, Montreux.

Keith Haring Journals, Penguin Books, 1996.

Fergie Christmas Tree

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The name “Fergie” means different things to different people. To some, it is the nickname of Manchester United’s ennobled former manager. To others, it is the nickname of England’s charitable duchess. At The Intermediate Period, “Fergie” means, quite simply, “Christmas.”

Season’s greetings to all! 
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Jean-Marie Le Pen’s Portrait

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On September 9, 2016, Newsnight viewers saw the inside of Front National founder Jean-Marie Le Pen’s apartment. Crammed with knickknacks and artifacts, it also boasted an enormous oil painting of the retired politician. Dressed up like a buccaneer, with a telescope in his hand and a white ferret perched on his shoulder, the unusual painting could also be seen reproduced on Le Pen’s coffee table, in the foreground of the painting of Jesus Christ and the statue of Joan of Arc.

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At La Grenouillère, by Guy de Maupassant

Renoir La Grenouillère (“the frog-pond”) was a popular bathing spot and a floating cafe on the Seine. It was painted by Renoir and Monet, and the setting of “Femme Fatale,” a short story by Guy de Maupassant. 

“The place reeked of vice and corruption and the dregs of Parisian society in all its rottenness gathered there: cheats, conmen and cheap hacks rubbed shoulders with under-age dandies, old roués and rogues, sleazy underworld types once notorious for things best forgotten mingled with other small-time crooks and speculators, dabblers in dubious ventures, frauds, pimps, and racketeers. Cheap sex, both male and female, was on offer in this tawdry meat-market of a place where petty rivalries were exploited, and quarrels picked over nothing in an atmosphere of fake gallantry where swords or pistols at dawn settled matters of highly questionable honour in the first place.

… Despite the proximity of the river and the huge trees shading it, the place was suffocatingly hot. Mingling with the fumes of spilt drinks came the smell of flesh and the cheap perfume with which the skin of those trading in sex was drenched. Underlying all these smells was the slight but persistent aroma of talc, which wafted with varying intensity as if an unseen hand were waving some gigantic powder-puff over the entire scene.”

Femme Fatale, Guy de Maupassant, translated by Siân Miles, Penguin Books.

Painting: La Grenouillère, by Pierre-Auguste Renoir, 1869,