Professional Bears Association of North America 2013 Annual Convention: A Time to Lead


With close to 500 delegates, the annual convention is the largest event hosted by the PBANA. Attendees are offered the unique opportunity to relax and network with their peers at the magnificent Palm Springs Rejuvenate Hotel and Convention Center in beautiful Palm Springs, California. Enjoy expert speakers and pampering by the Rejuvenate’s dedicated staff.

Schedule: Day 1
Welcome: Poolside Hawaiian Luau for First Time Delegates
Opening Night Reception: Fresh Salmon Buffet, Roasted White-Tailed Deer Fawn with Wasp Sauce, Wild Berries, and Feed Bins of Clotted Cream

Day 2
Integrating Research on Domestic and Foreign Policy Options for Bears
The Care Bears After the Aaaaaah Factor: Identities Beyond Brands
Does Quality Matter? Product Quality as a Determinant of Professional Bear Brand Equity
Long Range Planning Committee Meeting or Trip to Paintball Park
Gala Dinner and Auction in the Grand Ballroom with Special Guest Psy

Day 3
The Olympic Mishka: Relationship Marketing of Bears in Post-Soviet States
Transmitting the Message that Bears Improve Return on Marketing Investment
Charmin Bears Leonard and Molly: Building Your Brand Equity
Fast Food Buffet on the Terrace.

Keynote Address:

The Forty-Second President of the United States of America William Jefferson Clinton: Global Security in the Twenty-First Century

Honey pots in Outdoor Courtyard, Conference Closes

The staff at the Rejuvenate stapled polyethylene sheets to the floors and wheeled platforms of gigantic titanium chairs into the Valle Vista Meeting Room, but the bears still caused considerable damage. Housekeeping found bee hives stashed in the cupboards. The PBANA’s deposit was not returned, and the bill for the plumbing, carpenters, steam cleaners, and pest control was paid with the proceeds from the auction.
The other guests were not happy about the professional bears. They have filed lawsuits and posted vivid reviews of the Palm Springs Rejuvenate Hotel at entitled: ‘The Seventh Circle of Hell’ and ‘We Are Now Infested with Mites Bedbugs Lice and Two Insects Our Exterminator Has Never Seen Before.’
The Charmin Bears were in and out on a Proctor and Gamble Gulfstream. They were speckled with confetti-sized pieces of Charmin Ultra Soft, in compliance with the National Advertising Division Council of Better Business Bureau’s recent ruling that the language in their commercials is directly contradicted by the visuals. Leonard and Molly Charmin are widely disliked by their peers. At the conference the other bears talked about how the only time they must see their cubs is to shoot commercials. Leonard fantasized about taking Rajat Gupta’s seat on the board of Proctor and Gamble.
The Care Bear Perfect and Polite Panda auctioned off hot air balloon rides and an extra-large custom made Ducati. Staley Da Bear snapped up the Napa Valley wine-tasting tour. There was a violent melee after the Gala Dinner when Teddy Ruxpin spilled his drink on the Coca Cola Polar Bear. The Coke Bear always keeps to himself and isn’t very popular. Psy got the crowd dancing with Gentleman.
The professional bears gave Bill Clinton four standing ovations. He lingered in the courtyard after his speech and sought out The Olympic Mishka for a chat. He posed for photographs with the honey-smeared bears and let Snuggle the Fabric Softener Bear climb onto his knee for a picture. The Snuggle Bear nuzzled the crook of Clinton’s elbow, giggled, and said, ‘Mmm, cuddle up fresh!’
Everyone agreed that it was a mistake to hold the convention in the desert. All of the bears complained incessantly about the heat.